ADHD

 Hiyas again.. I'm back I think! So I've been seeing small videos on Facebook about ADHD. I was never formally diagnosed with ADHD... only ADD until they changed it to OHI (Other Health Impairments).

I feel like it was always more ADHD than ADD. Yes, I had the Attention issues, but I was also hyper. I was constantly moving. If you made me sit still, I would fall asleep.

These videos I've come across talk about difference aspects of someone with ADHD and I fit just about all of them. And I've always thought in the back of my mind that some of my quirks stem from this. There are times when I wondered if there was something wrong with me. It always feels like I can't get my life together. Everything is a mess. Sometimes my stuff starts looking a wee bit hoarderish.

Here are a few things I've seen or read that fit:

• Taking criticism very personally. I find I do this at work. Especially when a co-worker is complaining about something and using the "whole crew" card. I sometimes make comments back defending myself because it feels like a jab at me even though he's talking about others.

• Not able to regulate auditory levels. I've always attributed it to having issues with hearing sometimes. And that can still be the case partly. I have found myself getting overly "excited" about something and my voice gets louder. I don't always realize my voice levels change unless I'm making a conscious effort to do so.

A recent example: I was helping a guy and his wife buy a TV. It was small enough to fit in the shopping cart on its side. I have always made a point to look at the top of the box for the Arrow telling which side of the box the glass is facing. I make sure the customer isn't leaning the TV against the cart on that side. I was trying to tell the guy about it. I pointed it out and said we should flip the TV to lean the other way (making the hand motion to just lean the TV to the other side of the cart. The guy I guess didn't understand me and started to pull the TV all the way out of the cart... I was like What are you doing??  you just needed to lean the TV the other way so it's not on the glass. He still pulled it all the way out and asked me what I needed. I tried to explain it again. Saying he didn't need to take the TV all the way out. He got mad and short with me. Which then made me defensive. I was just trying to help them. Looking back, I know my voice because a bit shrill when he started taking the TV out of the cart. My volume did go up. Though at the time I don't really realize it.

• That also brings up the Overthinking things you said hours ago. I try not to do this. I do find myself obsessing about certain things that were said or not said. In school I could never come up with quick responses to people when they were making fun of me. Hours later, I'd come up with all kinds of things I would have said or wished I could have said at times like that.

• Getting frustrated when you are stopped in the middle of a task you just started to get in the groove with. I have this problem at work all the time. It takes a lot of time and effort to get all the supplies together to start a project. You finally get to work on it and it's going pretty fast. Then you get stopped. In my case it usually means cleaning up something really quick because it can't be left out while I'm gone. I've learned to adapt kind of. It's still frustrating when I'm trying to get a lot of things done in one 8 hour day. I'm still working on letting things it go if I don't get everything I wanted to get done in 1 day. I can always do it tomorrow. Of course, sometimes the "doing it tomorrow" never happens because management wants something else done instead.

• There are times when I know what needs to be done and how to do it but have a hard time starting it. Especially if it's a mess that I'm having to deal with. If it is a task, I'm not really wanting to do, I may procrastinate until I can't. Right now, it's my costume dress pattern. I need to clean off a table big enough to work with the big paper I need to make the pattern pieces. There is a big table on the porch outside, but I've been waiting for the weather to get a bit warmer during the day to do it. Now I've been distracted by trying to clean and organize my stuff because I've finally gotten to the point where I can't stand the clutter. I'm good at procrastinating until the last moment. Then I rush to get it done and it usually comes out good. I just can't duplicate it. I try to not procrastinate. I tell myself I'm going to start early. I may even start early but then I get bored or something comes up that distracts me. I'm right back to where I would be if I procrastinated.

Supposedly people with ADHD rely on visual cues because working memory can't reliably hold information that isn't in plain sight. I can clean/organize everything and everybody else but can't seem to organize my own stuff. That's where the "Out of Sight, Out of Mind" becomes quite literal for us. Our messy piles of stuff are actually organized chaos our brains can work with. I try to clean and organize. I come up with a system to organize my stuff that seems logical to me at the time... problem is it's not logical the next time I try to remember how I organized my stuff. So you either spend the time and effort of looking for whatever it is you "lost" or you attempt to totally reorganize it to your "logical" pattern of the week. It'd exhausting. It's always frustrating when I organize the stuff at work and by the end of the week, I'm having to redo the drawers of supplies because the others can't bother to put things back where they found them. Yet I'm the one the boss relies on to keep it organized because i do such a good job. Yeaa me! I know I complain about it sometimes but most of the time I don't really mind it. I can set it straight pretty quickly.

Skipping 2018...

 2018 wasn't a very good year... so it kinda got skipped on hear. I did have a special blog going on instead.

My Life as a Super Hero...  Me vs. Breast Cancer

That's right...  In February of 2018 I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. We thought it was only Stage 2, but it ended up being Stage 3. My mom had Stage 0 Breast Cancer like the year before. My cousin had been going thru Breast Cancer herself right before I found out about mine.

My Cousin opted for a double mastectomy with reconstruction. Reconstruction is actually a series of surgeries before you have a finished product. Through her journey she hit alot of speed bumps and obstacles like infections and surgical site failing. Watching and reading about her troubles was one of many reasons why I opted out of reconstruction.

Yes I sometimes miss having the "girls". Fake ones are not quite the same. The weight might be there but it's detached now. The body is now a different shape... nothing feels the same and clothes don't always fit right. There are some clothes I just can't wear anymore... at least not until I figure out the Faux "girls" thing.

If you want to read along with the journey I went thru... just click on the link above. I'm still dealing with complications from Chemo. I'm still under hormone therapy to try and push me in to menopause early... which my body is fighting...

In 2018, I went thru my 1st Mammogram, 3 biopsies, Chemo, Radiation, and 4 surgeries in 8 months. (one of those surgeries was for a kidney problem they found while looking for cancer). I now deal with neuropathy in my hands, feet and legs. The muscles in my legs are weakened. My stamina and strength are weakened. I have issues with my muscles in my right foot. The bones in my feet have also thinned. Found that out when I found out I had a stress fracture in my right foot.

I'm a mess but I'm still going. I was out of work for about a year. I finally went back to work in 2019. One of the customer I've helped alot found out and made me a quilt. I took the quilt with me when I went in for Chemo because I was always cold.

I sometimes can't figure out how I make it thru my shifts at work... I just seem to muddle thru them.

The Power of 80

Just went to a kind of surprise party for a Family Friend... He's turning 80. Though to see him and know his personality you'd swear he's in his 60's. He's still bowling on the local bowling leagues. He used to bowl on the same league day as my Grandma. That's how I met him and his Lady Margie.

And it's a small world. Through knowing and meeting Chuck, I met his son, Charles. Later I find I'm working with Charles' wife...  So even though he started out as someone my Grandma knew... He's become a family friend...

So happy Birthday!!  Hope you bowl great tonight...

Dark Matter

I got interested in a new TV Show called Dark Matter. A group of people wake up on a ship out in space. Each one of them have no memory of who they are or where they were. They do find an android that can pilot the ship. Since they can't remember their names they call themselves by the names of the number order that they woke up...  one, two, three, four, and five.

They later find out they were wanted criminals with a rep... they just don't feel like they were criminals. They started doing good things which confused everyone they came into contact with. They were out to figure out what they wanted do and how to live. There were conflicts around every corner.

I got to go to DragonCon again this year... And the hightlight of it was the panels for Dark Matter. I made it to 2 different panels. Almost the whole crew was there. Only 2 members were missing. And my other highlights...

Me and the Dark Matter Crew..

Me and Jodelle Ferland... She plays Five on Dark Matter. She's my favorites on Dark Matter.

The Heir Chronicles

While at DragonCon 2015 in Atlanta I was waiting around for Mercedes Lackey to show up for her book signing session. One of the other Author tables had changed Authors. I kinda felt sorry for the Author as she had no one coming for Autographs, though she had an awesome poster with her. So I wondered over and asked if I could have a poster. Then I got her to sign the poster for me. I had briefly looked at her books when I wondered the "book store" the vendors had going on in the background. So I stood there a few minutes and talked to her about her books. They sounded interesting.

I told myself that I would look up one of her books when I got back home. Recently I was able to pick up the 1st book in her Heir Chronicles Series. For me it has a Young Adult feel to it. It kinda reminded me a bit of the tone of Harry Potter and Wizard of Oz and a few other similar stories.

The Author is Cinda Williams Chima.  A very interesting name...  I'm curious about book 2 of the series now. I have someone I talk to on Facebook who is going to try the book also... I had mentioned I was going to read the series. So I told her I just finished book 1 and liked it. Guess that was enough for her LOL...

Why can't the World Growup

I was reading this article on a website (Do Civilians Need to Just Grow Up About Military-breastfeeding?) And then I read some of the comments people left under the article.

Some are all for Breastfeeding but not while in Uniform. Some don't care about the Uniform if they are someplace private. Some said they should just change into Civilian clothes first. All of this has gotten me to thinking about what my stance is on all this.

So here's my take: I am all for Breastfeeding if it's comfortable for you and the baby and there aren't any complications. It's okay if you don't want to breastfeed or for some reason you can't. We should never make the Mothers feel like they aren't good Mothers because they don't or can't. It's a personal choice.

I don't think of it with any kind of sexual tones. It's a Mother feeding a child. The world has sexualized way too many things in life that are human nature. We do need to get over ourselves and grow up. We aren't teaching our children to be understanding or thoughtful or respectful anymore thru our actions.

And since the article is dealing with the breastfeeding in uniform.. here's what I think on that:  To respect the Uniform you have to respect the individual who is wearing that Uniform. They could end up putting their lives on the line to wear that Uniform. They have pride in their job and the military, but they also have pride in being a Mother. Why should they have to change their clothes to feed the baby. Do they have to change their clothes to feed themselves? It's kind of like saying..."Sorry baby I can't feed you right now because I'm in Uniform" Those who have kids should know how things work with kids. When a baby is hungry they want their food right then. We don't really wait to eat when we are really hungry. If you do.. more power to you.

Breastfeeding is a natural thing that has been going on for hundreds and hundreds of years. What do you think Mothers were doing way before bottles and formula came out? And do you really think they bothered to cover themselves up everytime they fed their children?

If you have a hard time with watching or seeing someone breastfeeding, I have one question for you... WHY are you watching or looking? If it bothers you then don't look. It's as easy as that. It's kinda of like that age old saying... If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all..  In this case... if you don't like what you are seeing then don't look. Mayhaps I don't really want to watch you eat your food...

The only time you really see anything is when the Mother is changing sides or fixing her bra/shirt back. And that is something a Mother could work to try and minimize showing. But when a baby is actually feeding.. there really isn't much to see that you wouldn't see in some fashionable clothes. There is some high fashion that shows off more breast than breastfeeding ever does. But that is okay in society.. where as breastfeeding isn't?

Post-Dragons

Well I'm back from DragonCon. It was fun. I saw lots of interesting costumes. I got in to see the Ghost Hunters Panel. I went to a Seminar talking about making the Best Dungeons for D&D games. Went to a Dance party at a local club. Bought some purty dice. Drooled a bit over the kewl stuff at all the vendors...

I so need to save up more money.. Now I know how it all works kinda. I've learned to try not to do things back to back unless they are in same hotel. And even then it doesn't guarantee you will get into the stuff. You have to get there early and stand in line. They can only let in so many people.

The whole DragonCon Unit encompasses about 5 or 6 hotels on 3 or 4 different streets. So there is alot of walking involved sometimes. Even when the seminars and panels aren't going late at night there are parties going on into the wee hours in the lobbies and halls. I caught a group doing the Macarena...

I got some Autographs from some Authors...  My favorite Sherrilyn Kenyon, Mercedes Lackey, Margaret Weis, and an Author I haven't read yet... Cinda Williams Chima. Her books sounded interesting though.

I did a Cosplay Life Drawing session with a guy who used to work with Conan O'Brien.

I took hundreds of pictures of the Parade they had. I'll try to see if can share the pictures thru a link.

Also got to go to an After Hours party at the Georgia Aquarium. They did their first Costume contest. They picked people from the Audience of costumes to compete supposedly. There were some awesome detailed costumes.

It was soo hot. I don't know how the people with all the leather or the big hoop skirts and corsets could stand to walk from hotel to hotel...  though I can kinda of guess... when you love to dress up you do anything you can to wear that costume. Even brave the heat to show it off. I think most wore their costumes and then changed into regular clothes later usually with some kinda costume prop (ie. cat ears, beanies with animal faces, steampunk top hats, etc etc)

Where has the time gone..

Wow where has the time gone.... I can't believe I haven't posted anything here since May of 2014, I need to get back to it.

Currently I'm excited to be a Great-Aunt soon. My Niece is having a little boy in a few weeks. Today sometime my Cousin is going in to be induced to have her baby Girl...

Also currently in process of making a costume to dress up for the East Coast DragonCon in Atlanta. It'll almost be like going home sorta. One of these days I'll make it to the San Diego ComiCon. Then I will have all my bases covered... LOL

I'm excited.. my favorite author Sherrilyn Kenyon will be at DragonCon. And I know one of the Vendors that will be there...which is sorta kewl. He sells awesome leather goods and costume pieces. They are just a wee bit too expensive for me.. for time being LOL.

I'm still doing my Genealogy stuff... I've been working on a project I started. Trying to get it done before I go to Atlanta so I can take a copy to my Sister, Niece and my Nephews. Not sure if I can get it done... but I'll try inbetween sewing up a costume.

Blogging :)

This isn't my only blog i have.. I currently have 4 I think... besides this one. Here is a list and links for those who are interested in seeing other stuff I do or say.

Under a Burgandy Star    - This is the one that holds some of my poetry and I might add some short stories or other things I've written. I might eventually add some of my favorite poems there that others wrote.

I'm really big into Genealogy. I have a blog that I devote my finds and thoughts on for that purpose  here.. Who Do You Think You Are?

Most of the younger generation grew up playing video games... the only time I really got to play was when I was at the doctors office.. except you had to take turns with other kids. We really didn't have the money for gaming systems. I did play a few games on my computer as a teen though. Now that I'm older and I have a job I'm able to afford games and systems. I currently play NDS stuff, Xbox 360 stuff, and Wii stuff. I like the NDS for traveling. I like my xbox 360 with the kinect. So does my mom... probably why it's in the living room instead of my room, even though I bought it. I'll probably eventually move the Wii into my room. Mom bought the Wii but she really didn't like it much. I like playing Kirby's epic yarn on it. So I started a small blog that I can talk about games I've played on there...Library of Gaming! It is for anythinghaving to do with many different kind of games... from computer, gaming systems to good ole tabletop role play... debating on whether I wanna lump my "live action" type role play from renaissance faires in there too..

My newest one is mainly for me to "keep track" of interesting things I come across... but in this way I can share what I find kewl with other people... it's just a buncha of random tidbits of information.. Library of Tidbits

Just thought I'd share..   Enjoy... let me know what ya think...   :)

Only 2 More Weeks!!

I can't wait... I got permission to take time off around Memorial weekend to go see a concert. The concert is in Las Vegas at the House of Blues of all places...  that's just too kewl.

Who am I going to see??  Why Lindsey Stirling..  Youtube rising star of Violin music to some interesting techno type music. And she dances some while playing..  It's really kewl. Look her up sometime if you want to see something different.

Hoping to see one of my cousins and his family while I'm there... nervous about it though. I've never met this cousin though we kinda grew up seeing pictures of each other. Well he saw them when he visited Grandma and Grandpa. He and his sister both got to visit with the Grandparents more than I did.

I hate that I won't get to be in Las Vegas for more than 1 night... but I'll be there enough I think to get a zillion pictures of the hotels and lights on the strip.

hopefully i'll have some great pics to post when i get back.